Dissatisfaction with Satisfaction Surveys
Say you’re called into a big marketing meeting to talk about why things aren’t going well. The real answer is “we’re not doing a very good job of providing a compelling choice to our customers.” You can’t say that, though. That implies a lot of hard work to determine what it is your customers want and how you might apply your resources to provide that value better than your competition.
No, what you need is a strawman. You need something that no one can really argue with– but it doesn’t really require you to do much. Something that implies that you’re GOING to do something… later…
Enter the satisfaction survey.
They’re perfect. There’s a whole bunch of companies who will even do the work on that for you. All you have to do is go back to your desk and hire someone. Then go to lunch.
I’ve filled out several in the last couple of days. I’m honestly not sure why I bother. Two of those were for Yahoo’s and MSN’s PPC advertising. Do I have an opinion on those? Why, yes. Yes, I do. So, given the opportunity, I feel like it’s at least worth a few minutes of my time to answer. I think Yahoo paid me $25 to boot.
Generally speaking, I’m one of those people who won’t answer 1 or 5 on these things. I figure it could be worse, and there’s always room for improvement. Not so with MSN. They’re doing it so badly that I felt justified in liberally applying the 1’s. As I have ranted before, Google gets 5s. I’m no Google fanboy, but with a few exceptions, they do a very good job in separating me from my client’s money.
MSN and Yahoo both had the gumption to ask me how I felt about their editorial process. I wonder if they’re aware of the irony of that. Many, many times I have called to ask such questions as “how can ‘Kentucky Derby’ not be relevant to a section of the site about the KENTUCKY DERBY?!” ‘Rosa Parks’ was denied for Rosa Parks’ obituary. Not relevant.
How about service? Let’s compare. Google calls me and asks how my account is going. What are my plans? Do I have any problems? Here’s a few people to call if something comes up.
MSN? I’ve tried to arrange invoicing on one major account with them for years. Literally, years. They have a committee to decide if they’ll let you do that. They’re not meeting now because they’re too busy. I’m not making this up.
To give some credit, Yahoo has improved somewhat. They’re going to be getting some 3s from me. The new software is better than before. Yet, my inquiries into their API went into the blackhole of general email addresses without names. Their editorial process remains capricious. I have no clue who my rep is there. Is it because we only spend thousands of dollars every month?
So, you can imagine why, when I get their “we strive to exceed our advertisers’ expectations” surveys, I’m cynical. It’s like their house is on fire, and they’re going around asking the neighbors if they think the place needs any improvement.
You know what’s wrong. Everyone does. Put the fire out.
